They're just testing me to see how much I can take and it's been 17 years since they started talking to me like this.

More and more, I can't get it out of my life.. It's affecting me more and more, like I can't take it and don't deserve anything I wanted etc.

What is the function of this? It seems like they might just be bothering me so I can't work or feel good. I have to pay bills and don't have as long left to even live, let alone people getting away dying who are older or retired or something, with nothing for me that I wanted as much and with problems to deal with, instead, because of them. Everyone just creeps around here wary of death and making you feel worried about getting closer to them and further from those that can nurture you. You see Late Baby Boomers complaining about it, etc., that their parents are getting old and dying with the rest of their generation and they don't have that to go to, anymore. So, same for me, except I wanted to enjoy my life while I can and be a good citizen when everyone is old or dead.